Analysis of Difficulty in Choosing Spouses among Older White-collar Women in Shanghai
“For your career, you can know how much you pay and you can keep working hard.
However, feelings are hard to come by.
Therefore, we are not unable to marry, or because of higher requirements for relationships.
“Happy single women say so.
These single women, if they give them a focus, are women over 27 years old, white-collar workers, single or divorced women.
This crowd has reached hundreds of thousands in large cities like Beijing and Shanghai.
Moreover, most single women in cities have the characteristics of “three highs”: high education, high income and high social level.
So what is it that makes these excellent women closed and emotionally stuck in a situation where it is difficult to find an ideal partner for the time being?
Therefore, the reporter talked with Lian Li, a marriage consultant of “Happy Life”, with a view to making some analysis of the “difficulty of mating” phenomenon of older women.
High-quality determines their “better shortage” reporter: When did the “difficult to choose” phenomenon of older white-collar women appear?
Leng Li: I have been engaged in white-collar marriage introduction for 8 years.
There is a number that illustrates the problem.
Eight years ago, the ratio of men and women who came to the marriage agency to find a spouse was 11: 1, but now the ratio is 1: 2, and women are almost twice as men.
This ratio has increased particularly rapidly in two to three years, and has continued to rise.
In other words, the “difficult to choose a spouse” phenomenon of older white-collar women began to appear two or three years ago.
Reporter: Is this phenomenon common in Shanghai?
Leng Li: Because of my work, I have contacted the personnel department or labor union of some companies, and made some investigations and statistics.
In the survey, we found that among some white-collar women aged 25-30 in foreign companies, more than 60% of them were not married or in love.
There are also some emerging industries, such as IT, biotechnology and other fields. Since the introduction of talent accounts for a large proportion, and these imported talents have less concern from parents and friends than ordinary Shanghainese, so they are unmarried and have no love object.The proportion is even higher, and some reach over 80%.
Reporter: What do you think is the most important thing for older white-collar women to have difficulty choosing a spouse?
Leng Li: Some people have summarized the four major characteristics of current white-collar workers: small mate selection circle, less leisure time, high work pressure and high personal vision.
These four characteristics actually determine the confusion and hardship of modern white-collar workers in love and marriage.
As a result of my white-collar matchmaking and emotional counseling work, I have contacted too many white-collar women. In the age when they are most likely to encounter love, they are willing to give up everything in order to develop their careers.
But when his career was slightly successful, he found sadly that he was trapped in a small social circle, and it was not easy for him to walk out and for others to walk in.
But they are looking for love in such a small and narrow social circle, and will be subject to other restrictions from time to time in the future.
For example, some large companies have an unwritten agreement that prohibits employees in the same department or the same company from falling in love, or one of them must leave the department or company.
There are still some women who finally broke down into important positions after struggling. In order to maintain their image among the company’s employees, they dare not find friends in the circle.
And these white-collar women’s own high education, high quality, high salary, and determine their “preferring spouse” mentality.
Part of the “feminine” journalist was lost due to professional characteristics: Are there other reasons that make it difficult for white-collar women to choose a spouse?
Leng Li: Yes, another priority is that they have lost part of their “femininity” due to their professional characteristics.
There are often white-collar women wearing a professional suit to come to me for consultation. Their uniforms are generally not as nervous and shy as other girls, and some are even aggressive, asking me a lot of sharp questions.
I was secretly worried about them in my heart, wasn’t it the same when they fell in love?
Reporter: Based on your experience, what kind of girl is easier to graft on?
Leng Li: You know that the girls who come to register with us are generally required to have a college degree or above, but a friend recommended a girl with a college degree.
We talked for 5 minutes and I knew she could find the right partner soon.
Sure enough, within a month, she found a master’s boyfriend.
Speaking of which, she is the kind of girl that is particularly “feminine”: the little bird relies on people, behaves quietly, and is understanding.
Reporter: How do you think “femininity” can play? Leng Li: Actually, “femininity” is a kind of self-confidence, tolerance and selfless devotion from the heart of women.
Women in the new era usually tend to be independent, equal and sharp, willful. In fact, women’s independence should be a manifestation of spirituality, rather than external publicity and cares.
Mrs Thatcher always has to do some housework in addition to her accelerated work. She said, “Doing housework is a manifestation of family love. The biggest mistake a woman makes in her life is forgetting she is a woman.
“So,” femininity “is not that women have no principled obedience and accommodation to men in the traditional sense, but that modern women have melted their wisdom and wisdom in endless gentleness, so that they have a unique charm and ability.Win the favor of men.
The outstanding “he” is not in a hurry to get married. Reporter: Compared with women, is there any new trend in male white-collar workers choosing a spouse?
Leng Li: Yes.
Corresponding to white-collar women’s “difficult to choose a spouse,” white-collar men with better conditions easily refuse to marry, and it seems to have become a common phenomenon.
This in turn exacerbates the shortcomings of “difficult to choose a spouse” for white-collar women.
Reporter: What causes white-collar men not to marry easily?
Leng Li: There are usually many reasons why men want to get married. According to sociologists, human marriage has four purposes.
First, the biological purpose is to reproduce; second, the economic purpose, where two people share the family; third, the social purpose, which is recognized by the society; fourth, the psychological purpose, to satisfy loveDesire to gain a sense of belonging.
In the unopened era, everything was done step by step, perhaps for any of these purposes, it turned people into marriage.
With the opening of society, the improvement of material life and the continuous pursuit of spiritual life, people have more thoughts about the purpose of marriage.
Men find that the four purposes of the so-called marriage do not necessarily have to be achieved through marriage, so that they no longer easily enter the marriage for a reason.
At the same time, in the face of some utilitarian and practical girls in choosing a spouse, white-collar men are even more afraid of marriage.
Therefore, like women, men do not need a marriage, or a more sane and perfect marriage. The more successful a man is, the more he can demand from a girl, the more from his marriage.
Put down the shelf, expand your horizons, and take the initiative to attack reporters: Finally, do you have any suggestions for marriage and love of older white-collar women?
Leng Li: Recently, there is a very gratifying phenomenon. In our matchmaking agency, several couples of women earning more than men have succeeded.
Civil servants Mr. Wei and Miss Yang who work in foreign companies are typical examples.
Ms. Yang is the director of a computer company with monthly salaries of over one million.
When she first came to register, the staff recommended her some men with the same background and high income, but she broke the concept of the staff, and she frankly lowered: “I am an educated youth. I hope to find a stable home.So I don’t care much about the other party’s income. I value the other party’s character, quality, and whether they can have a cherished relationship with me.
“I believe that as long as Ms. Yang lowers the shelf, expands her field of vision, and takes the initiative to take the initiative, older white-collar women will surely find the other half they are satisfied with.
Economic analysis of single women From the perspective of economics, marriage is a product that requires a lot of investment, including the loss of certain personal freedoms, time spent, capital investment, the cost of searching for the ideal person in the vast crowd, and the cost of communication after finding itWait, in addition to cultivate feelings every day after marriage, you need to add some working capital.
While most women choose to enter the siege of marriage, there are still a few women who choose to be single or to remain single for the time being.
The article “Economic Analysis of Single Women” by Dr. Zhao Xiao, a domestic economist, targeted the group of 27-year-old, unmarried or divorced women.
Older women’s “path dependence” This may be a vicious circle and is called “path dependence” in economics.
That is to say, a woman misses her marriage age because she loves her career, and because she can’t let go of her career, she goes longer and longer on the road of being single.
In addition, many women have been hurt by excessive feelings. Some people think that the feelings are not secure. Because of their rehabilitation, they have seized their careers more tightly.
So you see they are always busy.
But the smaller they get, the less likely they are to get affection, and eventually they may be locked in the path of being single.
This is the “path dependence” effect of single women.
Economic independence is a white-collar woman over 27 years of age. The income of this group is generally not low.
It is precisely because of their economic independence that they do not need to rely on men, but choose between marriage.
In the old days, women were rarely single, because women had nothing and had no economic structure at all. Marrying a man would lose freedom but get a job.
In modern society, an excellent professional woman is faced with many choices. She has good job opportunities and a great future.
If the marriage is going to pay too much, she will be reluctant; if the marriage is going to pay too much, she will be reluctant.
It can be predicted that the more jobs and development opportunities provided to women by society, the more single women will emerge.
Considering the “opportunity cost” of marriage, single women are often not looking for men, but because the opportunity cost of marriage is too high.
Single women who choose a career will have a higher “sunk cost”, which makes the choice of marriage more difficult.
For example, investing in a project may take 100 million yuan to complete. After investing 50 million yuan, you start to wonder if this project is worth doing, but if you give up, 50 million yuan will “sink”, then you often try to stick to this project.A girl who fell in love with someone in college can follow him to the ends of the earth. At that time, she had no “sunk cost” or the cost was very small.
However, a woman who has finally set foot in Shanghai and was entrusted with a heavy task by the unit, her sunk costs are high, and it is difficult for her to give up everything and follow love to other places.
Unless she can recoup her investment in her career, she will not let go.
Therefore, the stronger the single woman’s career, the more she hopes to have a good relationship and go beyond compensation.
However, it is also at the time when expectations are high that marriage becomes more difficult.